In this episode, I’m breaking down what growth actually feels like — not the highlight reel version, but the real, uncomfortable, messy middle we all have to move through. I call it the river of misery — the space between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming.

I walk you through the four phases of growth:

1. Awareness & Fear – that moment you realize you want more and it scares the hell out of you.
2. Test, Learn & Create – where you start trying things, failing, learning, and doing it again.
3. Discover & Play – when you start trusting yourself and experimenting more freely.
4. Understanding & Becoming – when your new identity starts to feel real.

This episode is your reminder that discomfort doesn’t mean you’re off track — it means you’re evolving.

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Takeaways:

• Growth is messy and uncomfortable — and that’s the point.
• Awareness often brings fear, but it’s the start of transformation.
• The “river of misery” is where real change happens.
• Discomfort = progress.
• Self-awareness is your best tool in the hard parts.
• Learn to respond to your inner critic, not obey it.
• Self-trust is built in the middle, not at the finish line.
• The goal isn’t to skip discomfort, it’s to move through it.
• Growth feels like chaos before it feels like clarity.
• You’re not lost — you’re becoming.

What is up, y’all? Welcome to the Show Up Real Podcast. I hope you are having a good start to your week or a good end to your week. I’m so pumped for today’s episode!

Last week, I didn’t give you an episode, so I’m giving you two episodes this week. I’m putting one out on Wednesday and another on Friday, okay?

So let’s get into today’s episode. Today we are going to talk about what growth actually feels like. I want to talk about the messy middle because growth is glamorized. Growth gets this reputation of feeling good, of being empowering, and of us being so badass when we’re taking action on our goals. But the reality is, when you are taking full action on your goals and you’re trying to create something you’ve never created, growth doesn’t always feel amazing. It can feel very uncomfortable.

That’s what I want to normalize with you today, and I also want to give you some tools and mindsets so that when you’re on your journey to creating your goal, you can use these to ground yourself and remind yourself that there isn’t a problem—this is normal—and that you’re going to be okay, okay?

Let’s get into it. I want to start by discussing the four phases of growth. This will be like a little mini-training, and then we’ll dive deeper into one area.

When you are growing—and “growing” is such a broad word—but when I think about growth, what it really means is that your identity is shifting. When you are actually growing, when you’re going from one place to another, your identity is changing.

There are four phases to this.

The first phase of growth is about awareness and fear. You start by becoming aware of what’s possible for you.

For example, when I first realized that I could create a content creator business that focused on personal development, I thought that was amazing. I didn’t know people made YouTube channels about personal growth. I didn’t know you could build something like that!

I remember discovering Lavendaire on YouTube and being obsessed. When I realized that people could do that, I had this awareness—but after awareness, the fear kicked in.

When you realize you actually want to create something you’ve never created before, the fear shows up. Awareness brings fear to the table because now you can’t unsee what you actually want. You picture it, you desire it, and you can’t get it out of your head. Then you start thinking things like, Who am I to want this? Can I really do this? Am I serious about it?

That’s phase one: awareness and fear.

Phase two is test, learn, and create. This is where you experiment.

For me, that looked like creating content for the first time. I started with a fashion blog back in 2016. I was working at Nordstrom, super into fashion, and thought, I want to start a fashion blog. So I did. I learned how to build a blog, started posting on Instagram, and built a small community. But I quickly realized that wasn’t for me.

Then I got into more of a lifestyle influencer space—still on Instagram—and just kept experimenting. While I was growing my career, I was also creating an online community where I could practice being a creator and post content for the first time.

But here’s the thing: even though it’s fun to experiment and create, you also feel exposed and unqualified. You worry—What will people think? Am I doing too much? What will my family or coworkers think?

This phase builds self-trust, even when things feel chaotic.

I remember starting YouTube videos in 2018. I thought I needed the perfect setup, but one day I decided, I’m just going to start. I gave myself grace and did the thing.

After the test, learn, and create phase, we enter phase three: discover and play.

This is where you’ve pushed through discomfort, things start clicking, and you begin understanding what works for you. You get clearer on your niche, what you want to talk about, and what your lifestyle looks like while doing it. You start creating from self-trust, not just strategy. You have fun here, and your confidence grows.

Then comes phase four: understanding and becoming.

This is when you embody the growth. You stop needing validation. You just live as the person you wanted to become.

But—between phase two and three—there’s a micro-phase called the river of misery.

The river of misery is an identity gap: a space between who you were and who you’re becoming.

You’re no longer who you used to be, but you’re not yet who you want to be. The old ways don’t fit, but the new ways feel uncomfortable. This is the messy part of growth—the river of misery or the messy middle.

Your brain will try to negotiate with you here. It’ll say things like, Maybe take a break. Maybe this isn’t the right time.

But this is where you must lock in.

The point of this episode is to talk about the river of misery and normalize it—so you don’t quit. This messy middle is where most people give up. It’s so uncomfortable that they go back to what’s familiar. But this is where you earn your stripes. This is where you become the person you’re trying to be.

In the river of misery, your thoughts will sound like red flags:
You shouldn’t do it. You should stop. This is too much. People will judge you. You don’t have time. This is taking away from family or friends. What’s the point?

But the messy middle is supposed to be uncomfortable. This is where you become the person you deeply want to be.

Your brain is just trying to protect you. Its job is to keep you comfortable. But here’s the thing—your brain would rather you be unfulfilled and comfortable than fulfilled and uncomfortable.

I want you to build a life and business that’s fulfilling—and learn to handle the discomfort that comes with it.

Nothing is wrong when your brain wants to slow you down or stop taking action. That’s just your brain trying to keep you safe. The river of misery is where people quit—but I don’t want you to. I want you to stay in the river. Let your growth be uncomfortable, because it will be.

Discomfort does not equal danger.

If you feel uncomfortable taking new actions, stretching yourself in new ways, or pushing through resistance—see that as a sign you’re on the right path.

When you’re in the messy middle, the most important thing is that you keep moving. You will feel resistance, sometimes massive resistance—but how you push through is by staying self-aware and compassionate.

Self-awareness means realizing your brain is just reacting, trying to protect you. Then, normalize it. Talk to that part of your brain. Say, I know this feels uncomfortable, but we’re doing it anyway. We’re safe. We’re okay.

Here are three steps for when you’re in the river of misery:

1. Practice awareness. Identify the red-flag thoughts.
2. Normalize them. Remind yourself they’re just protective thoughts.
3. Talk back. When your brain says, You don’t have time, reply, I hear you, but I’m moving forward. I have goals to meet.

You must learn to calm your brain down—that’s real growth.

When you push through the discomfort, things will start clicking. The messy middle is where you build self-trust. It’s where you start realizing your ideas, your words, and your actions are working.

This is when you truly become the version of yourself who doesn’t need validation—who just does what she sets out to do.

My goal for you: practice self-awareness. Build that muscle. Growth requires you to watch your thoughts, not believe them.

When you’re building a new identity, your brain needs time to catch up—it doesn’t know how in the beginning.

I remember back in Q4 of 2020, I burned myself out. I built a podcast course in one month, ran a group program another month, and by December, I was exhausted. I thought maybe I wasn’t cut out for business.

But at the end of December, I did a last-minute webinar that led to my first clients. By January, I locked in and decided: this is the growth I want. That year, I went from $10,000 to $214,000 in cash revenue. A full identity shift.

You have to remember—you’re building a new identity. It will feel hard. You will have resistance. This lock-in isn’t about doing more; it’s about staying aware, compassionate, and committed when your brain freaks out.

Talk back to your resistance. Say things like, Of course I feel this way. My brain’s just doing its job. I’m not behind. I’m building something new. This is the part that counts.

During that phase, I’d wake up at 5 a.m. to work on my course, then do Instagram Lives during my son’s nap, spend the day with him, and work again at night after dinner—sometimes until midnight. Those were my hours. That’s what it looked like.

The resistance will feel like red flags, but they’re not. They’re just your brain trying to protect you.

That’s what the river of misery feels like. That’s what the messy middle feels like.

And what I want for you is to keep moving. Surrender. This isn’t about doing more—it’s about becoming more.

When you’re doing something you’ve never done before, when you have the audacity to try again, when you’re taking action toward something you’re unsure about, remind yourself: I’m in the river of misery. I’m in the messy middle. This is what it’s supposed to feel like.

Discomfort equals progress. There’s another side to this.

Normalize your growth. Growth always comes with fear, resistance, and doubt. That’s normal. It doesn’t mean you’re not meant for it. It means you’re doing exactly what you set out to do.

If this was helpful, let me know on Instagram—DM me and tell me you listened to the podcast. I’d deeply appreciate it.

If you’re in a growth phase where you’re taking action and want support—a partner to keep you accountable, remind you who you are, help you manage your mind and problem-solve—my one-on-one coaching is open. I’m taking on two clients in November.

If you’re interested, check the link in the show notes or visit my Instagram bio to book a call. DM me first if you’d like—that’s no problem. Let’s talk and get you the support you need to reach your goals.

All right, y’all. I’ll see you later this week because there are two episodes coming out. That’s it for today. I’m sending you a big hug. Bye.