On today’s episode, I’m talking with Relationship Coach & Expert, former Professor, Influencer to many, and powerhouse, Karina F. Daves. Karina is one of my great friends and was one of my first clients when I started my coaching business.
Listen in as I ask her all the hard marriage questions to help you navigate building a business while nurturing your marriage.
Get on the waitlist for Show Up & Lead Mastermind. Doors open early for the waitlist in November 2023. Show Up & Lead is a 6-month mastermind serving WOC Coaches, Course Creators, and Online Educators to master marketing that actually converts so you can get fully booked and become the CEO your business needs.
Get on the waitlist for Show Up Real. Show Up Real is a 12-month content marketing group program designed to help you up-level or jumpstart your content as a coach or service provider.
Transcript:
EP 223: Marriage & Business with Relationship Coach and Host of One Day at a Time Podcast, Karina F. Daves
What is up y’all? Welcome back to Latinas Booked Out Podcast. I hope you are doing so, so well. I am doing well. Things are moving and shaking in my business. I’m ready to get into just another busy season in business, which I’m really, really, really excited about. I know exactly where my business is going.
I am currently obsessed with solving my clients problems. [00:02:00] Just being in that energy feels so, so good. On top of that, I am really loving mom life. I think now that I’m getting a good night’s sleep on a regular basis because my little one is, you know, he’s been sleeping through the night. for the last three months since he was born.
So I feel like my entire body and mind is just like readjusting and I feel like a whole different human. I feel like I’ve said this probably like multiple times, but I just continue being so grateful for it. So Yeah, mom life is really fun. We’re doing all the Halloween things for PJ. We are baking the cookies and going to the pumpkin patches and haunted house stuff.
Well, not that haunted because he’s a little young, but we’re just, we’re having so much fun. Like he loves Halloween. I wasn’t even into Halloween before PJ, but [00:03:00] I love holidays and I love celebrating holidays. So. We’re just doing a lot of that right now. And it’s so fun. All right, let’s get into today’s episode.
Y’all, I am so excited about today’s episode. Today I am talking with the amazing Karina F. Daves. So if you don’t know who Karina is, you’ll get to know her on today’s episode, but Karina is A relationship coach. She’s a recovering perfectionist. She’s a mom of two. She is an incredible content creator and she happens to be one of the first, first clients I ever worked with when I started working with folks one on one.
So her and I worked together early 2021 when she was starting her business. I helped her sell her first high ticket program and She’s just [00:04:00] like incredibly evolved and grown her business. She also works a nine to five and has a thriving coaching business, along with really like prioritizing her marriage and her family life.
And because I know her personally, and she’s such a good friend of mine, I know that she does such a great job at taking care of herself too. So this is a big. reason why I wanted her on the podcast. She literally does it all. And I get a closer view than most people because she’s my friend, my great, great, great friend.
And I was just like, I need to get her on the show because she does it all and I need to know how. So. Um, I wanted to have her on the show because her and I always have such great conversations about relationships. She’s been married, I think 11 years now. I am going on 10 years in a couple [00:05:00] months and every time we get together, we talk about marriage and we talk it, we talk about it in this way that I feel like most people don’t.
Her and I, we, we really value our family life. We value our husbands, but we also value ourselves and we know our worth and we know what we want. And we’re not willing to really sacrifice what we want for what society thinks our marriages should look like. And instead, We just, we just have these great conversations about marriage and running businesses and being loud ass Latinas, right?
Powerful women. So I wanted to bring that conversation today to the podcast and really like pick her brain on what her thoughts are on really growing a business while [00:06:00] being married. Now if you’re not married. That’s okay. You’re going to take a lot away from this, but I think regardless, I wanted to just talk about marriage and I wanted to talk about business in a very open space with an expert who knows relationships at such a different level.
I go to her for my own relationship advice. So she is just, she’s so good at what she does. Karina has been featured on We All Grow, Yo Quiero Dinero podcast, so many places online. She has an entire following on TikTok, on Instagram, hundreds of thousands of people who hear her message.
such a strong message. So I know you’re going to love her. Let’s get into this episode and let’s talk relationships and business with Karina F. Daves. You guys, I’m just going to be real [00:07:00] with you. Karina and I are very, very great friends and we have a hard time not. laughing for the majority of our conversations.
So if we’re a little silly, I want you to take this. I want you to take this and I want you to think I can have a happy marriage or a good marriage. And I could also be a happy person. Yes. With a family, with businesses, with careers, with all the things. Okay. Karina, I love you. I’m so glad you’re here. We have tried to record this a hundred times and it never happens because we just end up chitty chatting, but I love you and thank you for being here.
Do you, can you just give us a little, little, little tiny background? I already gave them a background in the intro, but give them, give everybody a little. A tiny little something about you and how [00:08:00] you have become not only a relationship coach, but really a huge, huge influence, not just through your content, but like really in people’s lives and helping them thrive.
Think about the relationships differently and helping them think about themselves differently. Such a good question. Super heavy. Hi everybody. I’m sorry. It’s okay. Cat knows how much I love her. Thank you so much for having me. I met Cat a couple of years ago. First private business coach and, um, we became amazing friends and I’m just so grateful to have met her and that God made our paths cross.
And I think that one of the biggest, I would say like biggest cornerstones of how I got to where I am today in my business was really taking the mask off. You know, I think from the outside, looking into business and marketing and how people build communities. [00:09:00] It seemed to me that it was very much built on a lot of bells and whistles and promises that, you know, seemed kind of sweet, but I never knew if people could actually make them happen.
And so I think when I started my business, I was very much in this space of like, Yes, I wanted to serve, but I got really tripped on replicating what other people were doing. And I think that when I switched the gears to just serving without really giving a darn about what anybody thought, and I showed up as like God’s daughter and his child and my funkiness and in my just like quirkiness, um, I really was able to serve people because people don’t buy like The fake you people don’t want to work with the fake you, they want to work with you.
And relationship coaching is very near dear to my heart because I come from a long lineage of divorce and being married was very difficult for me because I was trying to [00:10:00] replicate. Something that I was trying actually not to replicate what I saw growing up. And instead I became a very controlling partner.
And so much of the content that you see online, actually all of the content that you see online or past testimonies, nothing is actually happening in my marriage right now, that content you will see. A couple of years from now. Um, but I think that relationships is very near dear to me, not just because of my marriage, but because of the friendships that I’ve gained and, um, no longer have in my life and, uh, relationships is everything, right?
Not just with your romantic partners or friends, but with your crazy toxic boss, which I used to complain to cat about. Or, um, you know, with your parents or with your money or with your business, like relationships are literally everything. They really, really are. And this is one of the reasons I’m so, I really want us to have this conversation.
So we’re talking about marriage and business today. And the reason is because when Karina’s. And I [00:11:00] see each other, we talk about marriage and business all the time. That’s our lives. We both have children. We both have businesses. Karina has an entire career alongside her business. We both have husbands that we, we love deeply.
And every time we get together, we end up talking about marriage and. I wanted to extract that conversation and really bring it to you guys and help anybody here listening to this one being an example of what’s possible in terms of relationship and marriage, but to also just help you identify like who you get to be in your life and you get to be that person with the relationships that you also want to be.
like take care of in your life and nurture. So, okay, let’s just get to it. Let’s just get to it. I ha I got so many questions for you, [00:12:00] Karina. Um, because not only from a standpoint of like my clients, which I, I definitely thought about them, but I also have questions for you just about your like marriage and your experience and everything you guys been through.
So. Number one, I want to start with the question that I get, or I should say comment I get from time to time from people who are starting new businesses and they are saying, my partner doesn’t support me or my husband doesn’t support me in my business. So therefore my business is going to struggle. I have an answer to this, but I want to start with you.
What do you say to someone who’s like, uh, I’ll never be able to build this because it’s just like my life is too hectic and my husband doesn’t support me or my partner doesn’t support me and it’s just, uh, it’s not going to work. What do you have to say to that person? What kind of questions do you have?
Okay. [00:13:00] Okay. So. But I want you to think about your husband, like the security guard outside of the nightclub checking for, you know, guns and weapons, making sure that there is nothing in your purse that is going to be harmful to you or to anybody else inside and inside is your business. Your husband is just a security guard and the only thing that you need now, which you may have not really practiced before is now you just need boundaries with your husband.
And it’s very simple. And having boundaries with your husband looks like this. One, it looks like you giving up the idea of what support means up to now in your mind. Support means that your partner is going to understand everything that you are trying to build. Let me just remind you that God gave you the [00:14:00] vision.
God gave you the nudge. God gave you the idea. God gave you the creation to create this thing that you’re like, maybe it’s a good idea to start X or Y Z program or open up X, Y, Z business. God gave it to you, not to your husband. Right? And so I want you to build this with boundaries and not from a place of proving him wrong, but just teaching him.
So what this looks like, let’s put it in an actual terms, right? I remember like, obviously my partner is my best friend. I remember going to my husband and we were going on this walk and I was like, okay, so I want to build this coaching business and I already know I’m going to sell it for nine, no 997 one on one coaching six months to work with me.
And my husband was like, nobody’s going to buy that straight up, told me nobody’s going to buy that. And I was like, instead of being offended and allowing that [00:15:00] moment. Of the person that I look up to and love so much to shut me down and make me feel like I really can’t do this and then get into a battle with him of why it’s going to work and throw this sort of like offended tantrum.
Instead, I got curious, which is the second thing I want you to do. Just get curious. And I asked, why don’t you think anybody’s going to buy that? And he said, people can’t afford it. So then I realized, I’m like, it’s not that people can’t afford it. It’s that the people that he thinks would buy it can’t afford it.
Or that he sees people a certain way that can’t afford it. And I said, well, what would you price it at? And he’s like, I don’t know, like four 97. And I said, so four 97 for six months of working with me, I have a master’s. Honey, I have a master’s in social work. I was a professor for five freaking years. I have certificate after certificate, but I, I hear you for [00:16:00] 97 and then the conversation was over and we walked back.
I gave him a kiss, went back into my office and I built the program for nine. No, I ended up then getting on a coaching call with cat maybe like a week later. And I sold it for 1497. And I remember coming out of the room and being like, I got my first sale 1497. And he was like, what? And I was like, and I, he, he held his tongue and he said, congratulations.
And I said, and you know what? I’m going to, I’m going to sell it for 1797. And he was like. Really? And I was like, yeah, go for it. I love it. And now come to think of like where we are now, he’s just like, his mind is blown the stages that I’ve been on the rooms that I’ve been in and it wasn’t, and it’s not that your husband doesn’t believe in you.
It’s just that he doesn’t see it the way. You do because he wasn’t given the vision. You [00:17:00] got to understand that a hundred, a hundred percent. I, I love that so much. The way that you, you really simplified it, like it’s boundaries and curiosity. Like you have to come at it with curiosity. You know, what helped me?
One thing I really had to think differently when I was starting my business. And when I felt that Paul, my husband wasn’t. You know, supporting me, I realized that like, why would he support me if I’m half assing it or half have one foot in one foot out. So I remember having a conversation with myself saying like, okay, if you really want him to support you.
One, he has to see the full vision. Like he’s just seeing little like, Oh, this would be cool. It would be cool if I did X, Y, C, or like, how cool would it be? If I kind of want to do this, like, how cool would it be if I do this? But what changed for me is like, I got to like. [00:18:00] Sit down with him and he needs to know how serious I am about this as well.
And I remembered that shift. It was like a moment in our marriage, right before my business really, I started putting the effort into my business that I wanted. I sat down with him. I created a, well, before I sat down with him, I identified like, here’s what I want to talk to him about. And it was basically, I wanted to sit down with him and talk about our schedules.
Because I needed time away from our life to work on my business. So that was kind of the purpose. But what it turned into is like, I want him to really see how serious I am. Because if he sees that I’m like serious about this, like he loves me, he cares. Of course, he’s going to like understand more. So for me, I had to like, I remember sitting down with him and I’m like, look, I’m going to start a business and it’s going to take, it’s going to be a part of our life.
Like it’s gonna, and like, cause it is, you know, and I’m like, and I [00:19:00] just want to know that I have that you have my back and I kind of also want to be in communication with you and like, I want you to know that this is happening and I want not only to have your support, but I also want you to just be in the know a little bit.
Right. And I also. Gotta tell you what I need. ’cause I, I’m gonna need some stuff from you and not from him, but like time. Mm-hmm. . So when I sat down to have this conversation, and this was back in like 2020? Yeah. 2020. I talked to him, he got, I, I was like, look, I, I would really like a full weekend day to work on my business.
And we figured out a schedule that worked for us and so that I could. Have time into my business. And that was like the first step to us having, like, for, for him not, I didn’t need his support more than I just needed his support as a partner. Not to support me in my business, but I just needed to hear it from my partner that like, are you [00:20:00] okay with this?
’cause this is gonna be a big part of my life and in turn it’s gonna be a big part of yours and I’m just come trying to come at you with respect because I love you and you’re, you are my life partner. So like, here’s what’s happening and here’s what I deeply desire. And that really helps set the expectation when I would work, especially because my husband’s love language is quality time.
So if I was going to take that away, I want it to be like 100 with him, you know, that was really helpful. How did you figure out? I’m very curious. How did you guys figure out time away? Cause like you had to carve the time out of marriage. You have kids, right? Like, how did you carve out that time? And did you have to talk about it?
Talk to, uh, your partner about it, your husband. Yeah. So this is actually like a very popular question that [00:21:00] I get when people find out I have a full time job. They’re always like, wait, wait, wait. How do you do it? Like, I don’t understand. Um, and I think, you know, obviously the pandemic helped a lot being home at first and, you know, having a business that is run online is also very easy.
But for us, you know. Terrence actually started working on his dream way before I did. So his dream was to become a race car driver. And I remember being a little bit jealous that like, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. And I was very much like just trying to climb the corporate ladder and get more letters behind my name.
I actually signed up for an MBA. I didn’t finish it, which would have been my second master’s. And, uh, throughout that time, my husband was very clear, kind of like you cat, like what he needed. And so he was like, okay, this is the schedule. And I remember being like, when did you freaking become [00:22:00] so like organized?
Like, he’s like out of nowhere, I’m the same way I’m never organized, but. I was very organized when I wanted to, yeah, when you want it, when you wanted something. So he’s like, okay, so this is what I need. And I was like, what I was, my whole world was like, what? And he’s like, so in order for me to fund this race car, I need to work a side hustle.
And that side hustle has to happen at night. So because you teach Tuesday, Thursdays, that means that I can only side hustle Monday, Wednesdays and some Saturdays. So that’s what I need. And I was like, okay, so he’s like, so those days you’ll have to like, obviously pick up the kids and then on my days, I’ll pick up the kids and then we’ll figure out our weekends, you know, weekend by weekend.
And I remember thinking, I think in the beginning I was very much, but like, what time will you be done? And then after a while, I had to just let that stuff go. You know, because I was just like, he’s working on his stuff. Like he’s not with no other chick, you [00:23:00] know, his chick is his car. So I just had to let a lot of that stuff be.
And I think that that’s really when God works on my controlling spirit. Like, you know, cause this was also a season we were trying to stay for a house. So we didn’t have any cable. So I was like stuck at home watching Netflix and meal prepping, cooking. And I’ll never forget this. And I know it’s such a small detail, but we had our.
Uh, clothes are our washer machine was in our kitchen. And so I didn’t have like a place to like dice when I cook. So I had to always dice on the freaking lid of the washer machine. And I found it so annoying. And I remember being so pissed off and making meal after meal, thinking to myself, we’re in this small 700 foot square apartment.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I’m sitting here supporting this. Dream that I think is so stupid of building of being a race car driver, but I’m obedient to it anyways. And so to answer your question, I learned from Terrence how to [00:24:00] then ask for the time. So when I started my business. It was only six months after Terrence had become a race car driver.
So if you ask him, it may not have been like the best line. That would be interesting to get his perspective. Yeah, it was a little bit annoying, um, because he had spent five years building this race car. Then I got pregnant. We had Levi, we bought a home. And so the goal was, I remember my son was born November 29th, November 28th.
He went into the garage, he put the list little trinkets last or whatever. Levi was born. And then that may be February. COVID happened, but like the race world didn’t care about COVID. So they were still racing. It’s an outside event. And in those first beginning months, he was out there racing and I was starting to talk about a podcast and a blog.
And he was like, okay, he bought me my first mic. And [00:25:00] then after about maybe eight months of working with like a social media person. Social media managers. Then I, I took Janice, uh, your kid or the nettles bootcamp course. And after I took her bootcamp course, I realized I needed to start a business. And then I had that conversation and.
Terrence was very like, okay, we’ll see where this goes. I don’t think it was that he didn’t believe in me. I think that, and maybe we should talk about this for a little, I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this, but I think that it is completely normal for your partner to be a little jealous of you.
Totally. Right? We should definitely talk about this. Yeah. So that’s what happened. That’s how I learned from him. Yeah. No, that’s so, so, so good. I actually would love to have this conversation around jealousy because one of the topics I want to, I was going to ask you off of this was, I [00:26:00] remember, I remember getting frustrated I’ve always been a workaholic and that has been, I would say a little problem in our relationship in the beginning.
I think now I have such a handle on it and I’m also a really great communicator. And I also am considering my husband’s like needs and desires and wants that I’m like, I want to make sure I’m just better at it right now. That, but I remember at a time like Paul would literally like get upset with me for working and in my head.
I’m like, I don’t need the quality time. Like, like we could be on our laptops next to each other. And I’m like, Oh my God, how fun is this
for me? That’s like, so cute. Like This is the life, but for Paul, that’s like an, Oh, like he wants my attention. [00:27:00] And I do too. You know what I mean? Like our like, like when our, when we get to connect, it’s just, you know, it’s my favorite, but I would like to talk about the jealousy piece because, and why bring this up is because when I became a mom, I started keeping a lot more score as I’m sure, you know, with your clients and with your own life.
And I started to get very, I just started becoming jealous that like, especially because I quit my job, I became a stay at home mom. I was trying to build something and it felt like Paul just had the life and was, and he was also super invested in his career at that time. And he was trying to build his career and it felt like.
It was taking off faster than mine, me and my business. And then I also was like, well, his is taking off because he has all the time in the world and he gets to do right. So it was, it just became this, like, [00:28:00] it was a very, uh, it was a tough, tough chapter in our marriage. And a lot of it had to do with like me keeping score.
He didn’t know how to support me and what I needed at that time. I probably didn’t even know what I needed. Um, but there was like a lot of resentment, like that, like brewed up at that time. This was years ago now. And I feel like kids actually helped us unpack a lot, not especially now because we have two, but tell us about like, how do you see jealousy coming up in, in relationships or it could be your experience too, and how it affects like.
Our relationships and how to kind of like break that down. So we don’t feel that way. Yeah. Well, I actually think it’s good to feel jealousy. I think it’s the second thought that we have after we feel the jealousy that we have to navigate through. Right. Cause like jealousy is normal. [00:29:00] I think it’s the action that you take after you feel the jealousy.
So good. You know, so I remember being. Jealous of Terrence building his race car, but then I had to ask myself why I felt jealous. And it was mainly because I felt like I had nothing going on. So that was something that was right. Like happening in my mind. And then when the business took, so the first year I spent time with the podcast and the blog, the second year I took Denise’s course, I worked with you.
I worked with Eric and her tick tock course. And, um, I got my first client. It’s not that my husband didn’t believe in me. It’s just that. People weren’t talking about me yet. And by people, I just mean whoever the algorithm decided to show my content to, because at that point, after working with cat, I started showing up real, but I’m bum and, um, my content.
And so once I started showing up as myself and things started going more and more viral, [00:30:00] he would get a lot of messages from people. Like friends of friends to be like, Oh my God, I saw your wife. She just posted this. I can’t believe you guys went through that. But he’s like, what did you post? And he’s like, that happened years ago.
And I’m like, yeah. And he’s like, wow, that’s crazy. He’s like, people really love you. I’m like, and I was like, and I’m building this. And then I, we wouldn’t say too much about it. Then I brought on somebody that what, to my podcast when I was having guests, her name, um, I forgot her name. Maybe her name was serenity.
There’s this company called serenity kids. They make organic. I bring her on, I record the podcast episode. I leave my office to go tell him like my first sort of like celebrity on my podcast. And the fact that like my podcast, I’d hit like a thousand downloads or something. And I ran out to tell him and he was not faced.
He was like, that’s good. And I remember being like, that’s it. That’s good. And he’s like, that’s good. [00:31:00] And then there’s, you know, when you don’t, when you’re in those moments, you have two options. You either navigate your emotions and you become curious or you decide not to navigate your emotions and you blow up and that time I blew up Yeah, so I was like what is wrong with you blah blah blah and You know Terrence is one of those people that are extremely self aware I just you just got to give him like five minutes, but by the time he’s self aware.
I’m so riled up Like by the time he’s like saying, Oh, this is my mistake. I, I realized that this is what’s happening. I’m so riled up that it’s hard to bring me back down back then. And in that moment, he was like, I think I’m really insecure. And I was like, what? I was like, we don’t need about what? And he’s like, things just happen so fast for you.
It took me five years to get down the track. It takes you a [00:32:00] year to get a guest, a podcast going, become popular online. He’s like, I just feel like because I didn’t go to college. The way you did, I don’t have the same like road. And so in that moment, I was just like, you know, baby, I can’t fix your insecurities.
Um, I love you so much and I know who’s ever listening is going to laugh at the next thing I said. But I was like, maybe you should talk to somebody. I was like, maybe you should go
to therapy. No, I was like, maybe you should go to therapy because I can’t fix. Or nurse your insecurities, because if I try to fix your insecurities, I’m going to be watching my back, making sure that I don’t trigger your insecurities. And right now I really feel like God is calling me to do this big thing.
And if I’m stepping on eggshells around you, because I don’t want to make you feel insecure [00:33:00] for my next milestone, because there’s going to be a lot, I was like, then. Like, this is not going to work. I feel like you need another person. And usually I would say, let’s go back to our, our, um, marriage therapist.
But I was like, I think this is like a solo thing. And really quickly, I just want to share for whoever’s listening. A second instance is half. This happened twice in our marriage that happened that one time, right? The second time this happened was when I got a tech job and I transitioned and became head of household.
Now that situation happened differently because when I got that, literally the day that I got that job, I said, how do you feel? And Terrence, the first thing he said to me was, I need to go back to therapy and I was like, why? And he goes, because this is like an ego male thing that you won’t understand.
I’m, I feel like now that I’m not going to be head of household anymore, like this is a big like mind F and I know from the past that this isn’t something that you can help me with. I need to go back to [00:34:00] Jennifer, his therapist. And I was like, good for you. Now let’s get in the bedroom.
Yes. You know, can we just round of applause for Terrence and his wildly self aware self? Like what? That is, I mean, the fact that he’s onto himself at this level is like, yeah. 10 out of 10 for you to even realize those emotions. Like those are, that’s hard for me to like, it’s yeah. That’s just so, yeah. So kudos.
This is good though. One more thing. Cause I think this is going to be even crazier. What, what a lot of people don’t know is when I got the tech job, it required Terrence to leave his career. So it wasn’t just about the money. My husband left a master auto technician, 10 year career that he had spent building up [00:35:00] at Nissan to then go and work in facilities.
Okay. Cleaning so that he could pick up and so he could pick up the kids so he could have a flexible schedule, 10 minutes from the kids so that I could commute to the city. Like that was the big game changer. Yeah. But you know, the beautiful thing here is like, I, I just love hearing this story because it’s like, you guys are building as a unit unit.
Yeah. That’s it’s building as a unit because it’s like each person, like you, it doesn’t always feel like taking turns. Like sometimes it does and feel in marriage in terms of building, but I think building a very full board. Robust life of life, like a lot of lifing involves like the, the give and take with your partner in so many different ways.
What made me [00:36:00] think of, um, you telling these stories made me think of us one, me quitting my job and to us, not only quitting my job, quitting my job and then downgrading our apartment. Cause we had just moved to LA so we could have. A more comfortable lifestyle within three months. Like we moved and then I quit.
And then it was like, well, if I’m going to quit, we need to be a little more cozy, so let’s get a smaller apartment and PJ, we had to put his crib in the walk in closet and like, we just had to like, and that was just like our situation at that phase. And this was just a couple of years ago, you know, but it.
And, but that gave me the space for me to build my business and he wanted to build his career and that’s why we came to LA. So it was like we give and take and there’s seasons of it and it’s not always keeping score and that’s not what I’m talking about here, but it’s like, how do we, and [00:37:00] Paul and I talk about this more often now than ever because now we have our second boy and.
Right now, Paul and I are in a phase of life where it’s, it feels like we’re just like throwing the baton back and forth. Like you got it. You good. You happy? We’re solid. Like, I can feel a date night. We need like da, da, da, da, da. Like we’re just like really working right now. And. You know what I’ve noticed that happens a lot of when, when things like when we are vibing is I’m, we’re so easy ease.
We forgive each other so easily. Oh yeah. I even told him the other day, I was like, wait, our forgiveness game.
Cat is so on point. I have literally the best example. I used to blow. up. If Terrence didn’t start the dishwasher at night and I would wake up in the morning and the dishes weren’t clean and I had to clean [00:38:00] them. Like I would blow up yesterday morning. I kid you not yesterday morning. No, this morning it was this morning.
I come down and I I’m away from the gym. The kids are still sleeping. I opened up the dishwasher and the dishes are still dirty. And Terrence is standing right there. And I’m like, Oh honey, you stopped. You didn’t. Turn on the dishwasher. His words verbatim were, Oh my bad, please. And I said, that’s so funny.
And I closed the dishwasher and I started it. And I just figured it was something else to use. I didn’t care. I moved on. Yeah. It’s so fun when your forgiveness game is high in marriage. And I know we kind of switch, turn the wheels here, but I, I think. I think Karina’s example, my example, I just, for the folks listening, I want to be very clear that like us building [00:39:00] our businesses didn’t mean that our partners were like jumping for joy when we told them we were starting our businesses.
And for every mile, like sometimes I want to normalize sometimes when big things happen in your business that you are excited about. It is okay and normal for your partner not to be at your level every single time you have something exciting happen in your business. Like this is your business. And of course, like, you know, if you have a good partner, by the way, I’m talking about like.
Good partners here, but like even good partners, whatever you define that as even good partners, they’re not like, at least in my experience, like they’re humans, like they are humans with their own stuff, the same way you are human with your own stuff. And when you’re building something, I’m sure you have words too, but like when you’re building something, I just want you to.
Not have the [00:40:00] expectation of like needing something from your partner for you to be successful. Like if you want to be successful in what you do, you have to figure that out with the circumstances you’re in right now and then see where that takes it. Yeah. And I think even when I think about your original question of like time, I’m like, of course I had to use the night.
That was my time. I think for you too, Cat. When you were staying home, mom, like I had to do it at night or very, very, very early in the morning. Yeah. Or the, or the weekends when I first started my business, I was, I recently stopped working on the, on the weekends, but like in the beginning I was working on the weekends, like, and nights and I had that.
Go ahead. Go ahead. No, no, no, no. I was just saying I had an 8 PM client call when I was bringing in 150, 60, 70 K. Wow. And I remember like, I cannot wait till I get rid of this 8 p. m. call. [00:41:00] And the only reason it was at 8 p. m. it was because they were teachers and, uh, it was like this two people in this company, they were teachers and they had kids and I kind of met them where they were at.
And I was just like, you know what? I’m willing to do this. But I remember at that time I was just like, Oh, I can’t wait till I could work regular hours, but I still put in the work. And I think I had a. 7 a. m. call on Fridays for a like literally all of 2021. Like not only did I have one 7 a. m. Client, I had a second that took that over after that.
So it was like, Oh, I was 8 a. m. I think I was a, you were a very early one. I think you might’ve been one of those 7 a. m. 7 Like, but that was me putting in the work, right? Like that was me putting in the work and that’s what you, you know. You know what the worst is when you’re about to get on a client call and you just argued.
Oh, so fucking real. It’s real. If we want to talk about marriage and business, that can [00:42:00] happen. Or I’m about to go make some content and we just argued about something and I have to go and, and, and teach about it and in tears. And I’m upset about some crap he said. A hundred percent. I was just telling my mastermind clients.
I don’t know who I was but I was like, Look, I have recorded a podcast in like literally right after having a huge, huge fight with my husband. And then I got to go create it at frigging 11 PM because that’s the only slither of time I could create it. I’ve created podcasts a little tipsy after a happy hour that I shouldn’t have drank at, but it was like a podcast episode needs to go out tomorrow because that’s my commitment that I made to myself.
There’s so many things. Like, yeah. Yeah. And, and here’s the thing, like my business, it doesn’t have pressure, but it is. It is a space that I use to release, like it for me, I know it sounds weird to say, but my business [00:43:00] resets me sometimes, like allows me to release and say things that just, I need to get off my chest or do things, you know, like for me, um, you know, especially in 2021, that was a very difficult year for me personally.
And my business was my outlet. You know, and so I think like, um, and I’ve lost friends from it. Like we’re not talking about friendship and business, but I’ve lost friends because of my business. You know, a lot of people, because there’s so much, um, window to what we do, it’s very easy to be like, Oh, she was online, but didn’t call me back.
You know, like little things like that, you know, but it is. A hundred percent. You know, that’s what’s funny is I just was talking to my therapist maybe a couple months ago. You know, what’s, what I’ve struggled with is what you just said, how it, your business could become your kind of release. Sometimes I used to see my business as, so [00:44:00] here, here’s the thing.
When I was starting my business, my me time was my business time. And that’s kind of the way I thought about it. Cause it was like this time I get to. Use to, for my like passion, you know, my, whatever I’m passionate about, but that worked until it became my full time job. And then it’s like, wait, where does the me time fit in?
Because this is a me time. Now this is putting in work, work, work, and you have both. So how can we talk about really quickly? This isn’t relationship, but there’s a relationship with you, like your relationship with you. How do you, how have, and I, I’ve seen you in phase, different phases of life now. What a gift.
I’m so lucky. Um, I have seen you in different phases of life. How have you found time for yourself [00:45:00] to take good care of yourself? While having so many things moving in action and in movement in your life, how have you done that? Well, I think that like every stage was a little bit different. I think that when I first started my business, I was very much into like.
My hobbies were my relationships with my friends and brunches and like, you know, discovering new things and things of that nature. And as my business grew, I would say that this year has actually been in full transparency, the hardest. And, you know, having a partner that it. Just calls you out because your marriage is your mirror.
You know, Terrence recently told me that I didn’t have a hobby and I was like, what do you mean? And he’s like, you know, you don’t have a release. Like I know you sometimes go to the spa or you go to [00:46:00] whatever, but like you. Go work at your, your business isn’t as small as it used to be. Like, it’s like a pretty big deal right now.
And he’s like, and he’s like, I find my release by going down the track. Like, what’s your release? And I’m like in the bedroom with you. I mean, like, it’s a great release. Yeah, like that’s a one. I was like, you know, time on the train and stuff like that. And he, and then, you know, I know it sounds weird to say, but like recently I googled like hobbies and there’s hiking and there’s other stuff.
And I think right now. I’m not focused on a hobby. I’m focused on finding time to take care of my health. So yeah, like that’s my priority right now. So I’m not like going hiking. I’m not like drawn going to a painting class, but right now. The way I’m taking care of myself is making sure that my health is good.
Cause God told me that there’s a big plan coming [00:47:00] and I need to be very, very clear and clean. So I’m pretty much focused on like drinking certain things or my bone broth or going to Pilates or exercising, like, or, you know, making sure I now I go to sleep without my phone next to me. Like I’m literally thinking of things constantly to keep me.
Pure and good. And I think that that’s working for me right now, but I’m pretty sure in like six months, I’ll really actually need a physical hobby, but you have to do it. Works for you. Yeah. But that’s like a really, really big deal when you live such a, you know. A busy, fast, fruitful life, you know, I feel the same way.
It’s like, I’m trying to find pockets to, I’m in the ticket, right? I’m one year postpartum and I’m like, finally feeling like myself again, because I basically like had insomnia for a year. But right now I’m in a phase of legit of phase of really prioritizing, taking care of myself and [00:48:00] even what that looks like at that, at this level, when my business is like growing and thriving and like things are moving, right.
My, just our lives in general. Like we, we just realized like, we need to prioritize a housekeeper. We need to prioritize. Like there are some things that like, we. Um, in terms of our, you know, my life with my husband and the kids, like getting my kids in different like classes and like how full our life is getting, I’m realizing more and more that like, okay, I need to, what you were just saying is prioritize taking care of my body and myself.
And that is a whole ass hobby. It just, it is. It is a whole hobby. And I’ve seen you, you like lost a lot of weight. And you like literally eat vegetables for breakfast.
I took it. Cat and I were stuck in a room together for like three, four, actually [00:49:00] more than three days, because then we went to that other house. So maybe like five days we were together and. Every like hour, I was like, cat, now it’s time to eat this cat. Now it’s time to have your ginger lemon hot water cat.
Now it’s time to eat a snack, but it’s not chocolate. It’s made of gal gal powder, no sugar, no lectins, nothing. Every morning she would, she would come and give me a glass of ginger lemon water. And it was beautiful. It was the best. I need to do that regularly. Yeah. I lost 30 pounds in a year. So that’s incredible.
That’s been my hobby like this last year. Just really taking care of myself. Yeah. That’s been it. It has been. And when I take care of myself. Yeah. And when I take care of myself, I’m a better partner. I really am. I’m not just taking care of myself for my business. I’m taking care of myself because I’m a better partner.
Like I, I feel better about living. Like you said, quality of life matters more to me [00:50:00] now. And I feel like I can come up with better ideas. Like, you know, I think like two hours ago I called him and I said, you know, I don’t have any plans this weekend. If you wanted to go and do something you shouldn’t. I think it gives me even ideas to be creative about allowing my partner to also be creative.
You know, I second that so much, you know, it’s two things I want to talk about before you get off. One is going back to, I wanted to bring this up. I remember when I went to my first mastermind back in 2021, I went to Mexico and, I took time left, you know, so dramatic left my family, but I, uh, went to this mastermind la la la.
Now this is a regular practice. I typically go a couple of times a, I mean not even a couple cause we’re speaking now like you’re speaking like I travel for work. Okay. And once upon a time it felt very weird. [00:51:00] Leaving my family, like I literally thought like it was bad. Like you should never go on vacation on your, by yourself.
Now I’m a grown ass woman
and I realize, no, like. It’s so valuable for me to go do my things and take care of myself and also grow my business. Right. Yeah. But I know there’s a stigma for mothers, especially and women on single women or maybe not single, but like in relationships, there’s a stigma of like, we shouldn’t leave our family.
It’s, it’s not good. It’s a little shameful. I’m curious how, if you ever have any guilty thoughts. For, for going either on vacation, you and I are going to Mexico soon with the girls. Like we’ve seen each other twice [00:52:00] this year. We’ve seen each other. We’re about to see each other. We’re about to see each other again in Arizona.
Oh my gosh. Three times. I know. I know. Tell me, do you ever have guilt about it? And if so, what do you do about it? What do you tell yourself? Of course, you know, it’s interesting because I used to just have the guilt conversation with myself, but then I, now I just call my partner and I think hearing him say.
It’s okay. You’re not a bad mom. You know, I, I got it like yada, yada, yada. I think listening to him and I actually brought it up to my therapist recently, like literally a month ago, she helped me really unpack mom guilt. And what it came down to is like, I’m a better mom because I get away. I just am.
Because when I come back, like I’m so energized with new ideas, I want more intimacy cause I haven’t had any in a couple of days. Like I’m just a better, funnier, corkier person. And I think the stigma is that if I go away, I won’t. Come back the same [00:53:00] person. Like I’ll come back a worse person. And if I stay and never leave, then I’ll never change.
I’ll never have the opportunity to become a better mom, to be a more creative mom. Like, I just feel like space and time sometimes is the very gift that God is trying to give your relationship and you should take it. Yeah, it’s been pretty transformative for me. And what it’s also done, you mentioned this earlier is like, here’s the thing is I get away more than Paul.
Like I go more places than Paul because Paul’s. He, he, he just doesn’t, he’s not in our line of work. Right. Yeah. And, and he used to actually travel for work, but now I’m very much like you should go do this or you should go do that. And like, I’m making sure he has, I just always have that door available for him to do what could fuel him up if he wants.
Right. Like there’s pretty much nothing I’ll say no to because I support him and because I love him. But for [00:54:00] me, you know, I’ve definitely had mom guilt, especially with my. My little one’s only one years old, one year old. And that was tough. Cause I went to a mastermind in Puerto Rico when he was like four or five months.
And then I went to a, uh, an event when he was one month, although it was, it was driving distance. Um, but I still, it was like one night away from him and. I will say for, for those of you who are in that bucket listening, I just want you to have your own back in terms of like, really, when you’re making a decision to be away from your family, asking yourself before you go to your partner and like being real with yourself, because if you want to lay all that to your partner, although like, Like you’ll, I, you know, you’ll likely have a conversation about it, but like, I want you to have your own back first so that you can come to your partner, like with you already having figured your stuff out, maybe, [00:55:00] and maybe not.
I don’t know if you would recommend that, but for me, what helps me is like, what’s going to align with like who I want to be and like the type of person I want to be. I try to check in with that and God, right? Like check, like really pray about it and like, ask God, like, what do I want? What feels right to me?
Right. And, and then, and then being like, here’s the deal. This is happening, especially if it’s a first time. I think I’m used to it now. I think you’re a little used to it now, but for that first time, it could feel like a big deal to, to go away for business or take care of whatever you want to take care of.
And. Like convincing yourself first. Yeah. Like convincing yourself first. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I like that. And not feeling bad about it. Okay. We’re getting down to time. Can I just ask you one question? Yeah. Talking to your partner about investing in your business.[00:56:00]
Why are you laughing? I’m curious. I’ve had this conversation, I’ve had this conversation so much. Have you? Tell us what your thoughts are. I mean, obviously I have some, but like, what do you say to that? What do you say to that? Honest. Okay. Uh, okay. I’ll, I’ll, I’ll give you insight on the conversation we had in January when I had to invest 15 K.
So I, I make the worst, like I. I’m really good at relationships, but like sometimes my timing just is a little bit off because I’m so like excited. So I sometimes choose the worst time to talk about stuff. So my husband’s on the toilet and I just like barge in and I’m like, Hey, um, I need to talk to you about stuff.
He’s like, what, like he thinks it’s an [00:57:00] emergency. And I was like, in, in conjunction with cat staying, I had to convince myself first. Right. So I was like, I been really thinking about this. Um, I, it’s time for me to join a mastermind. Um, I am not going to do one on one coaching right now. Um, and I’m also telling you this, not because I’m trying to convince you, but because I want to share it with you so that you feel involved.
But I’m not looking for your stamp of approval. And he was like, okay. And I was like, so I’m about to spend 15, 000 on a six month mastermind. And I have to go to Puerto Rico for it. What do you think?
And he was like, and what do you get? And I was like, You know, like six months of weekly coaching and there’d probably be guest coaching. Like, I’m also not a great pitcher. So I was like this. And then like, there’s a portal and there’s some [00:58:00] videos like for me to learn and stuff. But I was like, but the best is that the community, like, I really need that.
And he looked at me and he said, Listen, I would never spend 15, 000 on that. He said, but if you feel like that’s what you need, and he always says this about every single investment. He always says, honey, listen, if that’s what you feel like you need, then you should just pop off and do that. But when I look at you.
And I look at everything you’ve built and everything that you do to show up every day for your clients and your community. I really don’t feel like you need any of that shit. Like that’s how he talks. He’s like very like straight up and I’m like. I know you don’t think I need it because you’re not like really in my business world.
It’s kind of like me not thinking that you need that 4, 000 race part. You know, like you really don’t need that part. Do you?[00:59:00]
No, but it’s a little crazy to them, but it’s a little crazy and it’s a little crazy.
Yeah. And, and then I invested in Gina Knox is a money mastermind this summer. Again, I didn’t pick the right time. I, I literally, he was. Pulling up into the driveway. Hadn’t even gotten out of his car. He roll. I’m standing in front of the window He rolls down his window. He’s like, hey, babe, what’s going on?
I have a notebook in my hands. I’m like, oh, so listen, um, I’m gonna sign up for this mastermind. It’s gonna help us build a wall portfolio. Blah blah blah. What do you think? And he’s like it’s a no I’m straight up. He’s like, how much is it? I’m like, it’s like seven, 8, 000. He said, it’s a no. I said, I know you think it’s a no, but I think it’s a good idea.
He said, I think it’s a no. And I said, we’ll be fine. I think we’ll be fine.
So, I mean, you [01:00:00] know, I think that it’s really nice to have your partner’s buy in. But how can you have buy in from somebody that doesn’t fully understand what happens in these containers? Yeah. So the first time, the first time I invested in a mastermind, it was 25, 000
and might I add, we were saving for a second house.
So the conversation was a little. Different, but I had just made, I had just made a hundred K in my business. I had just hit a hundred K and I really wanted to just like stay on the momentum. And I talked to Paul about it and he’s like. Like his, this was his answer, but we’re saving for a house [01:01:00] and I’m like, yeah, but I wouldn’t even have this money if I, if we didn’t take out money for the, that one 5, 000 program.
Cause that, that was like one of my first investments. I was like, so. I’m gonna do it . Mm. We’re the same . I’m just going, I just like, I wanna tell you ’cause I respect you. And then I gotta be honest after that, I kind of keep him out of it. Mm. I keep him out it mm-hmm. because it’s my business. It’s like, it’s not.
Mm-hmm. , imagine if he, I mean he, he’s an executive at his job. Imagine if he was running shit by me. It’s like, it’s not, it’s the business money. It’s not like our house money with what I bring in with what I bring in. That’s my money. That’s our money, but the business money isn’t my husband’s money. That’s my business’s money.
It’s [01:02:00] like a whole other thing. So it’s like, that was my biggest lesson there was like, never again. Will I talk to him about this, but I will say. I did have to take from our home money for a mastermind once upon a time, and I had to swallow my pride for that because I really didn’t want to talk to him.
But you know what he said? You’re good. You’re good for it. He said, Oh, so you’re good for it. You’ve proven it over and over. And I was like, I remember crying. So I think, you know, there’s a little lesson. I think overall, my growth is just like, for the most part. When you’re running a business, you don’t need buy in from anyone except the CEO.
And that’s you. Yeah. That’s you, you know, that’s you. Um, and I would, I would be very honest with yourself. If you want someone else’s buy in, just know it’s for your [01:03:00] comfort. And it’s not for the business. Like, don’t expect a strategic answer unless, you know, you, you actually trust their strategic, you know?
Yeah. Yeah. Mike, listen, listen to anybody who watches my content, my husband’s advice to me, and it was a very heavy piece of advice was that I needed to make all my reels with Drake music in the background. He’s like, that’s, what’s going to get you. That’s, what’s going to get you sales. And I was like, why?
He’s like, people love Drake. And I’m like, can you imagine, imagine, Hey, I love you. I love you. I love you so much. Thank you for being on this show. Where can all the people find you? You have an amazing podcast. You have. Amazing reels that you create, you have amazing content, but I’m actually going to have Karina inside show up real, my group program, just to talk about not only short [01:04:00] form video, but really just to talk about her thoughts of how she thinks about creating content because you have, that’s a whole other conversation we can have, but anyways, where can the people find you?
Thanks All right, so if right now you feel like it’s time for us to work together to help you overcome your number one Relationship issues so that you can go to date nights without arguing on the way to date night and have sex after date night Then go to link of my bio on Instagram where I primarily live at Karina F Dave’s, you can book a sales call there or tick tock or my website, Karina fdaves.
com. I also have a podcast called one day at a time. And that’s where you’ll find me. Thank you so much for being here. You’re such a gift. I love you so much. Love you. I’ll see you later. Okay. Ciao.
Hey Amiga, [01:05:00] if you are not on my email list, you are missing out on some juicy content. I share sales and marketing tips every single week, plus you’re the first to know about new freebies and webinars and all the other things fun happening. To get on the list, sign up for my free website. training, how to sell out or figure offers.
This training will also shift your mindset around what it really takes to book out your coaching business. So sign up in the show notes or on my website at doll. Carmen. com to be added to the email list. I will see you next time.
View comments
+ Leave a comment